Mastering The Law of Detachment
The key to manifesting our desires
Hi cuties,
I’ve been talking to my friends this week about how, to some extent, we all feel like we’re going through a quarter life crisis. The vibes are a little along the lines of “I’m not sure what I want to do, where I want to live. I don’t want to be alone this winter but I simultaneously want to be single.” I think it’s just a weird time for many of us. I have friends who are about to get engaged any day now. And other friends who just got ghosted yet again by an immature little boy (or girl).
Because I’ve been so damn confused, I’ve really popped off with my manifestation practice. I visualize all of the goals I’m absolutely certain of. But what I’ve realized is that when I’m constantly focusing on all of the things I want, I forget to enjoy the things I already have. We often think, “when I start making more money, my problems will be solved.” “When I get into a relationship, I’ll be healed.” And we can get frustrated when the things we want don’t come to us when or how we want them to. But the truth is - the key to manifesting is to be happy without those things we so deeply desire. It’s okay to want more money or that healthy relationship, but your happiness cannot depend on it. You can manifest all day long, but until you detach from the outcome, those things won’t effortlessly flow to you. So how do we detach? We master The Law of Detachment. Duh.
Whether or not you buy into the concept of manifestation, I truly believe that the principals behind The Law of Detachment are helpful for anyone to hear. Honestly, if we all lived by it, we’d have a lot more peace in our lives. And a lot less quarter life crises.
The Law of Detachment
The Law of Detachment in simple terms (and by simple I mean this is pasted directly from Google) states that in order to manifest our desires, we must release attachment to the outcome itself as well as the path we might take to get there. Think about how much this holds true. If you look back at all of the various things you’ve wanted - the new job, the romantic partner, the friend group - did they ever come to you in the way that you thought they would? I literally met my ex boyfriend on Halloween dressed like a Cheetah Girl. I was wearing a velour track suit. I also called my aunt the day before I met him and told her how happy I was being single.
When we try to control the outcome of everything, we are sending out this controlling, needy, and resistant energy that actually repels things away from us. You know that saying “I don’t chase, I attract?” That’s exactly what this is based off of.
What does “controlling the outcome” mean?
When you go on a date and are thinking about what you can do or say to get that person to like you, you are trying to control the outcome. When you go to a job interview and try to act a certain way or say certain things to get hired, you are trying to control the outcome. People pleasing in general is a product of trying to control the outcome.
As much as you may think you know the best outcome for you, you don’t. I’ve used this example before, but imagine if you dated the person you were hung up on in college. Imagine if you ended up getting that job from the company that rejected you. I personally cringe at the thought of both.
When we are the most authentic versions of ourselves, we are the most magnetic. Being authentic around new people and in new situations will just guarantee that the right people and right opportunities come to us. If you’re anything like me (somewhat of a control freak and a people pleaser), you’re probably like “okay, this sounds great but how the fuck do I detach from the things I want so badly?”
It takes work. It’s something that I practice every day and I still really struggle to let go. But I’m SLOWLY getting there, and I know you can too.
Here are a few steps I’ve been taking to slowly master The Law of Detachment:
When you meet a new person, go on a date, an interview, etc. - ask yourself questions like: “How can I show up as the most confident, authentic version of myself?” “Do I like them?” “How can I leave this person better than they were before?” Take the pressure off of you. Because you’re already the whole package. Period.
Say your damn affirmations. For many reasons, we hold on so tightly to the outcome of something because we don’t think we’re worthy of receiving it. Imagine if someone told you that in one year, you would meet the love of your life. You would stop putting so much pressure on every date you went on and would just have FUN. You need to feel confident that your goals will come to you. It’s just a matter of time. The way we can do this is by switching up our limiting beliefs. The ones that go a little something like “I’ll never find love” and replacing them with “I am worthy of love.” When we start repeating those new beliefs to ourselves daily, our subconscious minds will start to believe them.
On a similar note, the entire foundation of manifestation is to act like you already have all of the things you desire. You have to replace the phrase “when I see it, I’ll believe it” with “I need to believe it, to see it.” I know this might be a little woo woo for some of my readers, but you truly have to believe that you already have the job, the money, and the fat ass. That it’s already yours. It’s just a matter of time until it shows up in your reality. How would you feel if you were in a relationship with your soulmate? How would you act? What would you do differently? And then do it. If you’re a regular reader, you know that I always preach this lesson: become the person you want to be (the one with the money, the job, and the fat ass) right now.
I really believe that everyone and everything that is meant for us will find us. There is nothing we can do or say to fuck that up. So try to let go. Try to be authentic. And instead of focusing so damn hard on what you don’t have, focus on what you do have right in front of you. And everything else will fall into place when the timing is right.