Your Guide to Being a Girl's Girl
And how I lost my Hinge date virginity
Hi lovers,
I had planned to write this newsletter on Tuesday night to have it ready and in your inboxes by Wednesday morning. However, I strategically scheduled my first Hinge date EVER on Tuesday so that I’d have some fun, juicy content to write about. I thought I’d have a martini and be home no later than 9 pm. I thought wrong. I got home at 1 am and was three martinis deep.
Long story short, the date lasted 5 hours and probably would have went longer if the workers didn’t ask us to leave so they could go home. You guys, this was the best first date I could have asked for. Not because there was some crazy spark or chemistry. Not because I met my soulmate. But because here I was talking to a self-aware, worldly, intelligent man. A good ass communicator. Someone who meditates, travels the world, and has read every single book by Joe Dispenza.
I had a feeling the date would go well because the man is a nomad. As in… he travels the world for a living and doesn’t have a home base. He’s leaving in two weeks to backpack from Canada to Mexico. I knew that no matter what, he’d have some good stories to tell. And he did.
But honestly, I went on this date to prove something to myself. That I could lose my blind date virginity, get over the I-never-want-to-date-again mentality, and feel confident in my ability to work through any rejection. I walked into the bar with this newfound sense of self-worth and awareness. I found myself checking off boxes as we were talking. Is he asking questions? Is he genuinely curious about my life? Do I like HIM? I knew exactly what I was looking for based on knowing exactly what I wasn’t looking for. The growth is HAPPENING PEOPLE. And it feels damn good.
One more thing that I think is worth noting. Old Stella would have felt disappointed that there was no crazy spark and probably would have tapped out early. I didn’t feel shaky or jittery. And I didn’t have butterflies. But I was totally fucking okay with that. 1. Because I’ve since learned that these feelings are actually just anxiety telling us to run. And 2. Spark or no spark, I was thoroughly enjoying someone else’s company without putting any pressure on the situation. If anything, I made a cool friend. It also helped that a random girl gassed me the FUCK up in the bathroom during my date.
Which gets me to the theme of my newsletter this week. I’m giving you a guide on how to be a girl’s girl. I think some of us may have lost or misplaced said guide somewhere. Maybe in the bar? Or maybe in the Uber home? Not to fear, ladies. I got you covered with a fresh, new copy.
What is a Girl’s Girl?
To help describe what a girl’s girl IS, I’m going to paint you a picture of what a girl’s girl is NOT.
You know those girls that look you up and down when you walk into a party instead of saying hi? NOT a girl’s girl. The girl who ditches you every single time you go out for a guy? NOT a girl’s girl. The girl who puts you down in front of men to seem cool? NOT a girl’s girl. The girl who hooks up with your ex after knowing how they treated you? NOT. A. GIRL’S. GIRL.
In simple terms, being a girl’s girl means you put your ladies first. It means other women actually want to be around you.
Your guide to being a girl’s girl
Prioritize and keep plans with your girlfriends. This rule is sacred. At the end of the day, your girlfriends are the one’s who will always have your back. Not the crusty and dusty man you just met on Hinge who asks you to “come watch a movie and cuddle.” (If you’re a man and you’re reading this, never fucking ask someone that).
Compliment other women. All the time. Be the girl in the bathroom who gassed me up on my date. Tell a stranger that you like their hair or their outfit. Tell her she’s a bad bitch! We’ve all encountered women who feel threatened by other women so they glare or give backhanded compliments. To truly embody the essence of a girl’s girl and attract amazing girlfriends, you need to remember that (for the most part) other women are not out to get you. They’re on YOUR team.
Treat their ex like your ex. Unfortunately, I think too many of us have been screwed over by a friend who hooked up with the ONE person we specifically didn’t want them to hook up with. Unless you really believe that your friend’s ex is your fucking soulmate, it is simply not worth it. There are a million men to choose from in this world who didn’t screw over your girlfriend. I get it - they didn’t technically do anything to hurt you. But I can speak from experience when I say doing this just makes you look like a snake.
Don’t laugh when it’s not funny. The most annoying shit is when a man says an objectively rude, misogynistic, or offensive comment (especially when it’s directed at someone) and a girl laughs at it. I actually read a recent research study somewhere that said there is a 0% chance that laughing at a man’s dumb joke makes you more cool or chill.
Don’t be a “yes” girl. I truly think a girl’s girl is always honest. The truth hurts, but it’s needed. Please don’t lie to spare my feelings. Listen, there’s a fine line between supporting other women and being honest when someone asks for your advice. For example, if your friend is posting thirst traps on her Insta, more power to her. Gas her up! If your friend asks if said thirst trap is ugly? And you think it is? Tell her.
Don’t be a gatekeeper. Being a girl’s girl means wanting other women to succeed. Tell people where your clothes are from. Tell them where the best nail salon in Chicago is. If you’re purposely lying or hiding this information when people ask, please redirect yourself to my scarcity newsletter. There is plenty to go around. Let’s lift each other up and share our “best kept secrets.”
None of us have been a perfect girl’s girl before. I’ll be the first to admit that I have regrettably dabbled in the “pick me” girl lifestyle once or twice (the antithesis of a girl’s girl). And trust me - it’s so much more fun to be a girl’s girl. Uplifting women is the best. Gassing girls up in the bathroom is the best. Girlfriends, in general, are the best. And honestly, fuck hot girl summer. It’s a girl’s girl summer all the way.